SARK's E Letter (e stands for energy)

"Come to the edge."
"We can't, we're afraid."
"Come to the edge."
"We can't, we're afraid."
"Come to the edge."
And they came
And he pushed them,
And they flew.
~Guillaume Apolinaire


I want you to know that sometimes I don't believe in angels. Sometimes I feel profoundly alone or lost, and feel certain that angels don't exist at all.

Earlier in March, I went to Lawrence University in Appleton, Wisconsin, to give a talk on "Making Creative Dreams REAL." Since my mother had died in Minnesota in October, I arranged to fly to Wisconsin through Chicago to get there, so I wouldn't have to fly through Minneapolis, and be reminded of my dead mother. (Actually, this is quite hilarious, since I think of her every day, anyway.)

In the Chicago airport, I passed by a sandwich shop where I'd tried to buy a sandwich on my way to her funeral in October. I started sobbing just as the man asked what kind of sandwich I wanted. Suddenly, it seemed that it was October again, and that my Mom had just died. I'd experienced these kinds of grief episodes before, but I am still surprised by their DEPTH and VELOCITY.

I called my friend Larry in tears, and explained how I was feeling.

Larry said gently, "I'm going to remind you of what you would say to me -- that there are angels all around you, you just need to look for them."

I looked around the fluorescently-lit airport terminal and cried even harder. Clearly, there were no angels here. I tried to hide my tears while boarding the plane and arrived at my seat to find a silver-haired gentleman wearing wings sitting there. (okay, I made up the part about the wings, but that's what I wished I would see!)

The silver-haired gentleman turned to me, and said:

"Are you okay? You seem a little sad."

Within minutes, we were immersed in a deep conversation about life and death and things that made us sad and empty. He shared the story of his mother's death, after I told him about my Mom. I also told him what Larry had said to me, and that I considered him to be my angel in human form. We both cried talking about angels, and how one person's willingness to reach out can so profoundly affect another.

As we hugged at the baggage claim, he pointed and said, "Look, I think you have 2 more angels."

The student who was picking me up stood there with her very small daughter. This little girl wore the tiniest black patent leather shoes and a pink coat. She looked up at me with the brightest little face and said confidently, "You're SARK, and I'm 3."

It was one of the best welcomes I've ever had.

Thank you to my 2 angels, Kass, and her daughter, Samantha.

My time in Wisconsin was blessed with more angels, including the Event Coordinator, Shana Shallue, and the members of the Marvelous Message Board who met me for a delicious dinner. Thanks to Toe, Whitgirl, Musicgirl, Kat, QueenSilentBreeze and MissFancyFree, I was surrounded by the most endearing souls.

I do believe that angels are all around us, even if I temporarily forget, or lose faith.

When I left Wisconsin to fly back to San Francisco, there was a blizzard and all the flights were cancelled. The ticket agent said, "I do have one seat on a plane into Minneapolis."

So I went to Minneapolis after all. And guess what? I wasn't even sad. There were angels there too.

Love, Susan (aka SARK)

Copyright (c) 2004 SARK.
All rights reserved.
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